Too many, too much – Too little, not enough.

As a regular practice, I journal and reflect on what is going on in my life. It’s been an essential exercise for me creatively and spiritually to get perspective on what’s going on both inside and around me. Working to put jumbled thoughts and feelings on the page helps me see with a clarity that I otherwise struggle to find. Though I haven’t often written here, I have been filling my journals for years as I sought out the insight I needed for creating an artful life of meaning and purpose. Mostly, I thought this practice was just for my own good but the more I share excerpts with others, I discover that it is worth more than that.

Welcome to my writing desk as I open up the pages of my creative life journey to share with you.

This week, as I sat down with some time to reflect on the cusp of a family vacation and a new season of life laying ahead that I need to navigate when we return to start a new school year. With pen ready for the page, all I could feel was lack… Lack over what I haven’t done thus far in life, what I haven’t managed to sustain or even finish at home, at work or in my creative life. Facing the next transition in life with this lens of lack in place, there was a lot of ‘too little and not enough’ to find.

Discouraged, I started to make myself a personal timeline to re-tell myself the story of my life. I looked again, further back into all the seasons I am leaving behind, and I began to see more clearly what made up my days and years. I could see with a new gaze why sustaining and building things in my career or creative life has been so hard. My hands and my days were full already.

I have spent the past 20+ years raising kids, running a home, teaching my children, moving across the country, sharing the gift of art with my community wherever we landed and trying to find my own voice in the midst of it all. Looking back I can say with grace and wonder, “Wow! My plate was always full.” Life was overflowing with too much; too many things to do, too many shifts to navigate, too many options on the table. It’s amazing that I managed to get anything done at all!

The lens of reflection significantly changes what we see. At the start, I was looking back at my life for some sort of career and artistic legacy through the perspective of institutional accomplishment, achievement and acclaim to decide what’s next. That limited lens framed the questions that I asked myself and the answers of lack that I found. The practice of changing my lens to the perspective of a full, integrated and creative life allowed me to see an overflow. Now I can see a creative life and a career that has navigated the whole of who I am: a wife, a mother, a teacher and an artist.

In this new season, I can ask questions and find answers that frame the whole of the life I have made which is not lacking but bursting at the seams. I have a long, rich life of pressing into creativity as a practice. I have a storehouse of collections, creations and discoveries to share. As I look back and I look ahead, I am beginning again here with you, to give thanks for the unfinished and to take stock of the good that is there. It is more than enough for whatever lays ahead in this next season and I want to share.

What good do you have to share with the world? What has your full life gifted to you?

I would love to have you share your storehouse with me, too.